Do you have to be Optimistic to be driven?

oh boy, looks like i was pretty mad the last time i posted. Its good to say that things are different now, i am working full time again and am now in whats called a LEAD program. this program is meant to train us to be supervisors. That's awesome, its great, wonderful, spectacular... why do i not feel it. maybe its because i haven't spoken with my Mentor(personal guide to take me through the process) yet, and most of the other people have. Maybe its the fact that i am not really doing something that matters to me in the long run. What is the long run? Will i stay with the Corp.? Will i drop everything and follow my dreams? Will i go back to school and post pone all of these decisions another three years?

I dont know... i just dont. I want to be an artist, i want to make a name for myself, but all my education taught me was i had to go out and do something that hasnt been done. That is kinda hard to do in a corporate environment. Now i dont want it to sound like i am trapped cause im not. i have a lot of freedoms that i work with and enjoy. I just want alot of things out of life, and am looking for opportunities to get them.

So, it has been a while i posted last, but i have been dealing with some issues. The Paradigm shift i am enduring is difficult to wrap my head around it. Anyways the main thing i have been dealing with is that at work we haven't been getting the calls that we should be. Everyone above me has been blaming everything from spring break to a change in the business. Meanwhile this means that those of us that dont matter get sent home early.

Normally this would upset me, i would just use the time to work on a new project, but in the past four weeks i have been sent home 20 days. this means that my checks are short. The only word to describe that is aggravating.

As for the other things i have been dealing with, i have proven that if i want to be a special effects artist then i have to go somewhere else for work. All i deal with here are idiots who want to spend little to nothing on quality work for special effects. I also cant work on my own things because i need money to do it, i want to build my portfolio but i cant. If i was working full time, i would maybe be able to save up and work on something every once in a while.

When will the schooling end?

I have been looking at the artistic society lately here in Springfield. A world in which i wish a had a handle on. My degree is in art, yet my skills are naturally in technology. That's a really odd thing to say "naturally in technology". Anyways i have been searching for my way back in to that world, i felt like when i left school i was closer than ever before.
My life has always been torn between several things, including art, school, and theater. Now that i am out of school, that part of my life has been taken over by work. On top of that i gave up theater because of the masochistic nature of it all, and for the art scene you have a bunch of people telling a bunch of other people that what they make means something. At what point do you move from craft time to artist...

Maybe that is what i needed to learn all along.

The Price You Pay...

I am two months in to paying back my loans, one of the biggest financial undertakings i have ever had. Now some people might say that college is a financial undertaking but that wasn't the mind set then, and most of the college populous would agree that at the time they did not focus on what they owed now. The smart thing probably would have been to pay some back as i went, but i just didn't have it in me to work full time while in college.  I now pay around 1/3 my paycheck to loans, and another 3rd to bills. Once i got out of college, i assumed that i was done eating Raman and Macaroni, but sadly i am not even half way done. 

Granted i can live like this, i have been up till now, and i will continue to. Its just difficult to know how much money i owe, and that i am going to be here for almost ten years.

Paradigm Shift

Everyone wants to step out of college and walk in to thier new life but truth be told that rarely happens and consistently ex-college students find themselves in a limbo of sorts. I am currently six months out of college and am in the process of adapting to the working world. The degree that i received in college was in Art. I studied predominately Sculpture, but i spent many classes studying Art history, Animation, Classical Drawing, Ceramics, and Digital Arts. Sculpture is a very broad category, matter of fact i focused even more than that, i specialized in Special Effects. Since i live in the middle of country there are no entry level positions for special effects here, to me this means that if i am going to have a chance i have to risk it all. As the saying goes "high risk yields high reward". This is my story.